Staying in the Creative Depth

I write about three to four full days a week. I own a part-time gardening business where I can (blessedly) set my own schedule. I take weekends off as I try to take care of household chores and tend my own garden and spend time with my husband and animals. But when I'm away from writing for just even a few days, whether it's due to work or my own self-inflicted break, I find it's sometimes difficult to get back in the rhythm. Why is that?

I feel untethered. It's like I float to the surface of my imagination, into bright clear waters, where I can see the sunlight, whereas during writing time (or revising time), I'm tied down to the bottom of my imagination, in deep murky water where the film of the story plays in my mind. It's just a silly little metaphor I can't escape. I don't know if I'm tied to the rope or holding onto it with one hand. But I do know that climbing back down after being up requires a settling I sometimes procrastinate, that quieting of the mind, the silence, the solitude. Shifting from a discussion of perennials or the energy of running dogs or laughter with friends to a mute, dreamy place requires discipline and severe effort.

I realize that the time away helps recharge the muse. It's actually in some respects a refilling of my creative subconscious tank. I read, I observe people, I experience new things, I learn stuff, I notice behaviors, speech, color, etc. But the problem is sometimes the voices in my head are fickle and one will tell me that I'm not really a writer, I'm not really serious. Even though I've been writing since the mid-'90s. Even though I've published stories and articles. Even though I was an editor for years in this field. It's like I have instant amnesia because I'm not writing at the moment when that voice speaks.

Does anyone else experience a feeling of being untethered when you're not writing? I've spoken to a couple of well-established authors who've told me they feel this way sometimes as well. If so, do you have a method of getting back into your rhythm? Do you have a metaphor or symbol that articulates your feelings about it? Also, how do you maintain the identity that you're a writer when you're not actually writing for a few days, a week, or even weeks?

(By the way, I realize I'm an acute nerd to be thinking about this stuff on Saturday night at 9:30 and do need to get a life.)

The Joy of The New Yorker's Fiction Podcasts

A few months ago I discovered a wonderful new resource that helps me learn more about writing fiction. It's The New Yorker Fiction Podcast. It's a free subscription that you can find by searching on "New Yorker: Fiction" in iTunes. (You can also access them through The New Yorker website.) I love it. Every month Deborah Treisman, the magazine's fiction editor, asks an established author to choose a short story to first read during the Podcast and then discuss with her. Though I was familiar with some stories, with others I was not. And it's wonderful to not only discover new stories but to also hear current writer's talk about writing. Why they chose the story, how the story has affected them or influenced them, the choices the story's writer made in terms of character, plot, language, etc. and then the emotional effects, the images, subtext, and all else that resulted from those choices.

It's also interesting to hear audio of writers' voices, both for how they spontaneously discuss the work and for how they read or "perform" the work. They're obviously not actors but T.C. Boyle did a great punchy performance of "Bullet in the Brain" while Jhumpa Lahiri read William Trevor's work in a less theatrical, more straightforward manner. Some writers read sort of somewhere in between.

Anyway, the other night I had to drive from Tucson to Phoenix to pick up my husband at the airport and being immersed in the art of fiction while driving in the dark for an hour was such an engaging, energizing use of my time, I had to share my joy for these podcasts. (Am I being Suzie Positive or what?)

By the way, if you know of other free fiction podcasts and would like to pass them on, please do share a comment. Thanks!